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Excerpts from US tobacco giant out of tune with reality

By Charlotte Parsons South China Morning Post [03/15/00]

The combined award for the cheesiest jingle and best advice goes to Brown & Williamson.

Those calling the US tobacco giant are entertained and educated by a call -waiting tune attempting to put purveyors of the weed on the right side of anti-smoking campaigners.

Let me set the scene. Five brothers, dressed in dungarees, probably referred to as "Good 'ol boys" and each having an extra toe or two, are tossing hay on to the back of a rickety flat-bed truck as they sing this little ditty.

"Ohhhhh, the tobacco plant is a lovely plant, its leaves so proud and greeeeen.

But you shouldn't think about the tobacco plant, if you're still a teen.

Because tobacco is a big person's plant and that's the way it should beee.

So if you're under 21, go and climb a treeeee.

Ohhhhh, the tobacco plant is a lovely plant, and that my friends is no yarn.

We let it ripen in the field then hang it in the baaarrrrn."

The catchy, toe tapping tune is followed by a stern message: "If you think that really sucked, we agree. Write a better song about the tobacco plant and we'll use it."

Lai See has one.

"The tobacco plant is a choking plant, it'll remove you from the gene pooool.

But the tobacco industry, it didn't care, so now we're going to sue yooou."

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